


Text me, stranger

by Carola_dl



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: All Humans, Comedy, F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25313626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carola_dl/pseuds/Carola_dl
Summary: Bulma receives a text from a grumpy stranger.
Relationships: Bulma Briefs/Vegeta
Comments: 164
Kudos: 263





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this months ago and posted it on Tumblr, but I think AO3 is the best medium for it! I hope you like it. I am thinking about a continuation if I see there's some interest on it.
> 
> The format is Whatsapp texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A silly little thing I know, but I hope you still enjoyed it!
> 
> QUESTION: Would you mind if, for the next chapters, I go for normal written texts? Creating the whatsapp conversations is less fun than what I expected!


	2. Chapter 2

**(09:00 AM. Monday)**

**Raditz Shitface:** Good morning, sunshine!

 **Raditz Shitface:** …

 **Raditz Shitface:** ……

 **Raditz Shitface:** ………

**(12:00 AM. Monday)**

**Raditz Shitface:** You can’t still be asleep. You’re probably just ignoring me. Or maybe, you’re the laziest man in the world.

 **Bad Man:** I AM NOT LAZY.

 **Raditz Shitface:** There you are, BAD MAN! How is your day going?

 **Bad Man:** It’s going fine.

 **Raditz Shitface:** You don’t like small talk, do you?

**(12:30 AM. Monday)**

**Radtiz Shitface:** Okay, let’s consider that a redundant question.

 **Bad Man:** Stop bothering me. I’m busy.

 **Raditz Shitface:** I’m not bothering you. You could’ve ignored me, but you chose to answer.

 **Bad Man:** Using my own words against me, woman?

 **Raditz Shitface:** Yes. That was clever, wasn’t it?

 **Bad Man:** How old are you? Ten?

 **Bad Man:** Wait. You never told me your age. Are you ten? Are you a child? Because if you are, I’m blocking you right now. The last thing I need is to be accused of being a pedophile.

 **Radtiz Shitface:** Why? Did you have any indecent proposal in mind? 😉

 **Bad Man:** Just tell me your age.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Calm down, Mr. Worrypants. I’m 29!

 **Bad Man:** We’re basically the same age. That’s an odd coincidence. How can I know you aren’t lying to me? You still could be a minor, for all I know.

**Raditz Shitface:**

****

**Raditz Shitface:** Is that proof enough for you?

 **Bad Man:** You’re so vulgar!

 **Raditz Shitface:** That’s not the answer I was expecting. Are you a prude? You can masturbate looking at them, I give you my permission.

 **Raditz Shitface:** But you should thank me. I’m being very generous.

 **Raditz Shitface:** They’re two of a kind.

 **Raditz Shitface:** And yes, they’re very squishy.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Hey! Are you still there?

 **Raditz Shitface:** Hello???

 **Raditz Shitface:** Are you ignoring me, my dear prude Bad Man?

**(06:30 PM. Monday)**

**Raditz Shitface:** Okay. I promise that from now on, all my texts will be PG.

 **Bad Man:** You’re very persistent. And annoying. Why do you keep talking to me? You don’t know me.

 **Raditz Shitface:** I don’t know. Maybe I’m bored. Maybe I find you funny.

 **Bad Man:** You would be the first.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Your friends don’t think you are funny?

 **Bad Man:** They don’t think I am funny because I am not.

 **Raditz Shitface:** So what happened with Raditz and Kakarot? Is Raditz alive? Is Kakarot pestering you?

 **Bad Men:** Yes to both.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Good for Raditz. I’m relieved that I don’t have to call the police.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Has Kakarot tried to snare you in his friendship net?

 **Bad Men:** Something like that, he just called me because he had recommended me for a job.

 **Raditz Shitface:** What a horrible friend!

 **Bad Men:** Sarcasm, again?

 **Raditz Shitface:** Yep. Did you get the job?

 **Bad Men** : I have the interview this Friday.

 **Raditz Shitface** : Good luck! For what kind of job?

 **Raditz Shitface** : Wait, wait. Don’t tell me. I just got an idea. This is being fun, right?

 **Bad Man:** It depends on what you mean by “this”.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Talking to a stranger! I don’t know anything about you, you don’t know anything about me! So we can’t prejudge the other or put a tag on the other because of social status, outer looks or whatever. And that’s cool. So let’s not exchange personal information.

 **Bad Man:** How about we play to be silent for the next five months? That way, we won’t exchange personal information.

 **Raditz Shitface:** That’s hilarious! See? You’re funny! But no, that won’t do. I still want to know you, the real you, not the superficial information everyone learns about their acquittances like their names, their jobs, their marital status or whatever. We will just share opinions and feelings and…

 **Bad Man:** I don’t talk about my feelings.

 **Raditz Shitface** : Well, not yet, of course! We’re still strangers, you will open up once we get to know each other.

 **Bad Man:** I don’t talk about my feelings. Period.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Okay, okay, Bad Man. Wait, what name do you have for me in your phone?

 **Bad Man:** You’re still Raditz Shitface.

 **Raditz Shitface:** I feel like I’m supplanting someone else’s identity. What name do you have for Raditz, then? I Imagine you already have his real number saved.

 **Bad Man:** Raditz. Just Raditz.

 **Raditz Shitface:** Well, that won’t do at all. I want a sexy name. Something like Queen B.

 **Bad Man:** Okay. I changed it.

 **Woman:** Am I now Queen B in your contact list?

 **Bad Man:** Not exactly.

 **Woman:** What then? Princess? Or is it My Princess? 😉 My beautiful princess?

 **Bad Man:** You’re delusional. And how can I know if you’re beautiful or an ugly witch?

 **Woman:** You know I sound beautiful! Come on, tell me: what name?

 **Bad Man:** Woman.

 **Woman:** TELL MEEEEE!!!!!

 **Bad Man:** It is Woman. W O M A N.

 **Woman:** Oh. I should’ve guessed it. Well, at least it sounds as if I’m the only woman in your life!!!!

**(07:15 PM. Monday)**

**Woman** : Oh, come on! Did I make you angry again? You’re so sensitive!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens and more characters come to play (or text ;) )

** Chapter 3: **

**(08:00 PM. Wednesday)**

**Yamcha:** Hi, babe! Friendly reminder that my plane arrives tomorrow at 11:20 A.M.

 **Bulma:** I didn’t forget! I will pick you up at the airport!

 **Yamcha:** Thanks, babe.

**(08:10 PM. Wednesday)**

**Mom:** There are such beautiful baby clothes this year! I felt so tempted to buy some. There was a specially pretty pink dress…

 **Bulma:** Mom, you aren’t a grandmother.

 **Mom:** I know that. And we don’t know if your first-born will be a boy or a girl, so I decided not to buy anything.

 **Bulma:** I am not pregnant either, Mom. But I will make sure to start fabricating babies as soon as possible so you can waste some money on baby clothes and toys.

 **Mom:** Not need to rush, dear. First, you have to find a good husband.

 **Bulma:** I have a boyfriend. Yamcha, remember him?

 **Mom:** Of course, darling. And he’s such a good boy, but it’s never a bad idea to keep your eyes open! Just in case.

**(08:22 PM. Wednesday)**

**Bulma:** I never know if my mother hates Yamcha or loves him.

 **ChiChi:** Why? Did she say something?

 **Bulma:** She basically insinuated that he wasn’t husband material.

 **ChiChi:** Well, he’s always traveling with his baseball team.

 **Bulma:** I’m always working too, that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work. We have been together for ten years.

 **ChiChi:** On and off. On and off.

 **Bulma:** Yes, but it’s still ten years.

 **ChiChi:** Are you even interested in getting married? You have never mentioned it.

 **Bulma:** Yes? Someday, at least. I want kids too.

 **ChiChi:** So if Yamcha gets on one knee and asks you to marry him, would you say yes?

 **Bulma:** I love him.

 **ChiChi:** That’s not what I asked. I always felt you were with Yamcha while you waited for something better to come.

 **Bulma:** What? You think I would string him along for TEN YEARS?

 **ChiChi:** No. What I mean is… I don’t know, it’s just a feeling. You’re always so flirty with men.

 **Bulma:** That doesn’t mean anything! It’s just how I am.

 **ChiChi:** Okay. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to offend you.

**(09:00 PM. Wednesday)**

**Woman:** I’m starting to understand your aversion to having friends. I think my friend just called me a bad person or a slut or something like that…

 **Bad Man:** Well, you do send pictures of your boobs to strangers.

 **Woman:** I was wearing a bikini! It’s not like I was naked! And it was a joke, sort of. I just thought it was a funny way of proving that I am an adult.

 **Woman:** And you should have said something comforting, like “You aren’t a bad person, you aren’t a slut”. Like normal people do.

 **Bad Man:** I don’t know you, so I don’t know if you’re a bad person, I don’t know if you’re a slut. And I am not a normal person.

 **Woman:** You aren’t normal? Oh. You are SO special, aren’t you? So unique!

**(09:27 PM. Wednesday)**

**Woman:** I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t ignore me, okay? Just say something.

 **Bad Man:** What do you want me to say?

**Woman:** **😊**

**Woman:** I just wanted to know you were still there.

 **Woman:** Okay, the thing is that… My boyfriend is coming back tomorrow. I should be excited, right? I haven’t seen him in months… but I think I’m getting used to his absence and I don’t really miss him. I mean, I do miss him, but only sometimes, most of the time… I am working, and my mind is on my work and I don’t miss him. Is that normal?

 **Bad Man:** I wouldn’t know.

 **Woman:** Well, that doesn’t help me. You are not very good at advice, are you?

 **Bad Man:** Why don’t you ask your real friends?

 **Woman:** Because I know what they would tell me. And they all know my boyfriend, so they are a little bit biased… And I wanted an objective opinion.

 **Bad Man:** Okay. Dump his ass.

 **Woman:** Hey! That’s not… I can’t just do that, okay? We have been together for so long. It’s not so easy. And I’m not sure that’s what I want.

 **Bad Man:** Then, don’t dump him.

 **Woman:** Good. I won’t.

 **Bad Man:** Good.

**(10:30 AM. Thursday)**

**Dad:** Hi, dear. How are the training bots going?

 **Bulma:** I am working on them. Making them faster.

 **Dad:** Good. Good. That’s great. The conference got postponed to tomorrow, so I won’t be back until Saturday. Do you mind doing tomorrow’s interviews? It will only be three.

 **Bulma:** Yes. No problem. I can do them.

 **Dad:** Great. Thank you. Choose whoever you think is a better fit for us. I trust your judgement.

 **Bulma:** Thanks, Dad. I will.

**(11:30 AM. Thursday)**

**Yamcha:** Babe, I am here. Where are you?

 **Yamcha:** Were you able to park the car?

 **Yamcha:** Bulma?

 **Yamcha:** ???

 **Yamcha:** Did you forget?

 **Yamcha:** Are you okay? Did something happen?

 **Yamcha:** Bulma, please, answer.

**(12:45 PM. Thursday)**

**Bulma:** Oh, my God, Yamcha! I’m sorry. I’m VERY sorry. I was working and it completely flew out of my mind. I am grabbing my bag right now and…

 **Yamcha:** Don’t bother. I called a cab. I’m at Tien’s now.

 **Bulma:** I thought you were sleeping at my house tonight.

 **Yamcha:** That was when I thought you were going to pick me up at the airport.

 **Bulma:** Okay. You’re angry. Rightfully so, but I’m sorry. For what it’s worth.

 **Yamcha:** I will see you tomorrow.

 **Bulma:** Okay. I will make up to you, okay?

**(12:50 PM. Thursday)**

**Woman:** It’s official. I’m a horrible girlfriend.

 **Bad Man:** Good to know. I will keep that in mind.

 **Woman:** Don’t be an asshole.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very important chapter! Enjoy!

**(05:11 PM. Friday)**

**Woman:** I have just met the bane of my existence. My archenemy. The asshole of all the assholes.

 **Bad Man:** It sounds like you had a good day.

 **Woman:** The worst! (But I love that you’ve learned to use sarcasm).

 **Bad Man:** I have always known how to use sarcasm, I just only use it for special occasions.

 **Bad Man:** Where did you meet this person?

 **Woman:** I interviewed him at my… Well, at the company where I work. Although it really felt like he was the one interviewing me. I actually had to push him out of my office. Literally. And it wasn’t easy, he’s so strong…

 **Woman:** Hey??

 **Woman:** Nothing to say?

 **Woman:** You keep disappearing on me.

 **Woman:** I don’t like to be ghosted.

 **Bad Man:** I am here.

 **Woman:** Where did you go?

 **Bad Man:** I have a life besides you.

 **Woman:** Yes, yes, I know! Don’t get all grumpy on me. Oh. I’m sorry. I forgot you also had an interview today. How did it go?

 **Bad Man:** Actually, they changed it to yesterday. I don’t know how it went and I don't want to talk about it.

 **Woman:** I’m sure it went well. Okay, so what do you say about this asshole?

 **Bad Man:** I assume he didn’t get the job?

 **Woman:** No. I don’t know. I’m still deciding.

 **Bad Man:** He still has a chance after you had to push him out of the office?

 **Woman:** He’s perfect for the job if we ignore his horrible attitude. And he came recommended by my friend Goku, who warned me about his “difficult personality”, but I wasn’t expecting that level of assholery.

 **Bad Man:** Uhm. I see.

 **Woman:** What would you do in my place?

 **Bad Man:** Hire him.

 **Woman:** Really?

 **Bad Man:** If he’s perfect for the job, but you don’t hire him because you don’t like him, then you aren’t helping your company.

 **Woman:** Okay. You may be a little bit right, but only a little.

 **Bad Man:** And, if you don’t hire him, that would only mean that you aren’t good enough to… deal with such an employee.

 **Woman:** Oh, come on! You don’t know him! He’s incredibly conceited, which is odd because he’s not that handsome. Yes, he he’s hot, but he has a weird face.

 **Bad Man:** He has a weird face?

 **Woman:** Yes. He has a very pronounced widow peak, and big ears. He has a good body, but he’s too short. I am used to muscly guys, most of my friends are Martial Artists, so his muscles don’t impress me much. He obviously loves himself too much, though.

 **Bad Man:** So you aren’t going to hire him because he has a weird face. Admit it. That’s the real reason.

 **Woman:** No. No. Don’t be silly. I mean, he’s cute in his own way. He’s just an asshole. I don’t know, maybe I will offer him a trial period, to see if he’s a good fit for the company.

**(07:08 PM. Friday)**

**Bulma:** I have just called the asshole to offer him a trial period. He accepted.

 **ChiChi:** You’re talking about Vegeta? A very apt nickname. Goku will be happy to hear you’re giving his friend a chance, you know.

 **Bulma:** How can Goku be friends with that guy?

 **ChiChi:** That’s one of the big mysteries of the universe. He keeps saying he’s a good guy… deep down.

 **Bulma:** We will probably kill each other before the trial period is over.

 **ChiChi:** Very probable. That or you will…

 **Bulma:** What?

 **ChiChi:** Nothing. Nothing. It’s just that you both have very fiery personalities, so…

 **Bulma:** No, no, no. Don’t even joke about that.

 **ChiChi:** You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.

 **Bulma:** He isn’t my type.

 **ChiChi:** He’s an asshole. He’s exactly your type.

 **Bulma:** Is that what you think about Yamcha?

 **ChiChi:** He’s the exception to the rule.

 **Bulma:** My boyfriend of ten years is the exception to the rule?

 **ChiChi:** Why do you keep repeating you have been together for ten years?

 **Bulma:** Okay. Let’s drop this, please.

 **ChiChi:** Is Yamcha still angry because of the airport debacle?

 **Bulma:** He says he isn’t, but he is.

 **ChiChi:** Just fuck him and he will get over it.

 **Bulma:** A very sensible advice.

**(07:30 PM. Friday)**

**Kakarot:** I heard you got the job at Capsule Corporation. Congratulations!

 **Vegeta:** Kakarot, does the banshee call you Goku?

 **Kakarot:** Who?

 **Vegeta:** The woman. Bulma Briefs. The woman who interviewed me.

 **Kakarot:** Yes. Everyone calls me Goku, except you and my brother.

 **Vegeta:** Why didn’t I know about that?

 **Kakarot:** I don’t know. It’s not a secret. I guess it’s because you never listen to anything that doesn’t concern you.

 **Vegeta:** And she doesn’t know your real name is Kakarot?

 **Kakarot:** I am not sure if she knows. I don’t think so. Not many people call me Kakarot. What do you think about Bulma? She’s cool, right?

 **Vegeta:** She’s as annoying in person as she is on the phone.

 **Kakarot:** On the phone? Do you both talk a lot on the phone?

 **Vegeta:** What? No. No. Just to set the interview.

 **Kakarot:** Well, congratulations!

 **Vegeta:** If you’re waiting for me to say “Thank you” for getting me this interview, keep waiting.

 **Kakarot:** Oh. You don’t need to say thank you. We’re friends, aren’t we? That’s what friends do!

**(08:50 AM. Monday)**

**Woman:** Today is Vegeta’s first day. And I’m nervous.

 **Bad Man:** Is Vegeta the name of the asshole? Just get out of his way and he will get out of your way.

 **Woman:** I don’t see how that’s possible. I have to show him the facilities, and I have to monitor his progress. We hired him to try some new training equipment we’re creating.

 **Bad Man:** You will be fine.

 **Woman:** I’m surprised you’re being so positive… and even nice. Oh, there he is. Vegeta just came in! I wasn’t expecting him to arrive on time. He’s texting someone. I’m surprised he has anyone to text, he isn’t the friendly type. What do you think he’s saying?

 **Bad Man:** What do you care if he has a social life or not? Leave the man alone.

 **Woman:** Maybe he's saying: "Thank you for a wild night of debauchery". Ugh. No. I shouldn't have put that image in my head. He’s probably manipulating some poor damsel in distress so she will give him her first-born.

 **Bad Man:** He doesn’t sound like the fatherly type either.

 **Woman:** He’s only doing it to wreak havoc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist. The relationship gets even more complicated.
> 
> Also, don't hire assholes... Vegeta doesn't give the best or most honest advice here, he just wants to get the job!


	5. Chapter 5

** Chapter 5 **

**(10:45 AM. Thursday)**

**Bulma:** He only grunts. That’s all he does. And frowns. He frowns a lot.

 **ChiChi:** Who?

 **Bulma:** Vegeta. Who else?

 **ChiChi:** It’s better when he’s silent than when he’s talking, believe me.

 **Bulma:** I am starting to think he lost his voice in a freak accident just right after the interview. Because he did talk during the interview. A LOT.

 **ChiChi:** He still has his voice. We invited him over for dinner last Saturdy, and he didn’t talk much, but he did say some words here and there.

 **Bulma:** You guys invited him to dinner?

 **ChiChi:** Yes. We do that sometimes. He only comes for the food, because I’m a great cook.

 **Bulma:** Why didn’t you invite me?

 **ChiChi:** What? I never thought you would like to come to such a dinner, it would be like forcing you to come to a double date with Vegeta as your partner.

 **Bulma:** Ugh. You’re right. Thanks for not inviting me. So he can talk, right?

 **ChiChi:** If he feels like it.

**(12:45 PM. Thursday)**

**Yamcha:** Do you want to go out to dinner? We haven’t had a romantic date in too long.

 **Bulma:** Does that mean you have stopped punishing me for my forgetfulness? Was the sex really THAT great?

 **Yamcha:** What? Why are you angry? You were the one who came to my house and basically jumped my bones.

 **Bulma:** And you didn’t call the next day, or the other, or the other… so I’m feeling a little bit used here. You kept ignoring me as if you were still angry because I didn’t pick you up at the airport.

 **Yamcha:** So you’re angry because I didn’t take your apology sex as an apology.

 **Bulma:** But you took the sex for sure.

 **Yamcha:** That you were offering enthusiastically

 **Bulma:** Enthusiastically? It wasn’t that good, Yamcha. It hasn’t been good in a long time.

**(02:08 PM. Thursday)**

**Bulma:** I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just wanted to hurt you.

 **Yamcha:** Well, you did. Congratulations.

 **Bulma:** Are you still down for dinner?

**(02:17 PM. Thursday)**

**Yamcha:** Yes.

 **Bulma:** Does tomorrow work for you?

 **Yamcha:** Yes.

 **Bulma:** I will pick you up at 08:00 PM.

 **Yamcha:** Try not to forget this time.

**(02:20 PM. Thursday)**

**Bulma:** I think Yamcha is going to break up with me tomorrow.

 **ChiChi:** What? Why do you think so?

 **Bulma:** We haven’t been in a good place for a long time and I’ve said some really terrible things.

 **ChiChi:** You’ve had fights before. Hell, you have even broken up before and you always get back together.

 **Bulma:** This feels final for some reason.

 **ChiChi:** He knows he will never find another girl like you. You’re pretty, you’re rich, you’re a genius.

 **Bulma:** He usually feels insecure because of those things, you know? Like he isn’t enough.

 **ChiChi:** And is he? Enough, I mean.

 **Bulma:** Of course!

 **Bulma:** I mean, he was. He is… most of the time. During the good times.

 **ChiChi** : And the bad times?

 **Bulma:** I… I do feel sometimes that I can do better, but only when I’m very very angry at him. And immediately after, I feel guilty, because it’s not fair to him.

 **ChiChi:** Maybe breaking up tonight isn’t such a bad thing. It sounds like you need time to figure out what you want.

 **Bulma:** Yeah. Maybe you’re right.

**(06:12 PM. Thursday)**

**Bad Man:** Are you alive?

 **Woman:** **😊😊😊** Did you miss me?

 **Bad Man:** You’ve been oddly silent.

 **Woman:** Yeah. Sorry. There’s been some drama in my love life. Nothing too serious, though. I actually have a date with my bf tonight! And I’m getting ready for it. Talk to you later?

 **Bad Man:** There’s no need. I just wanted to make sure you were alive.

 **Woman:** What a gentleman!

**(03:15 AM. Friday)**

**Woman:** He didn’t break up with me! Why didn’t he break up with me, Chi-Chi? I was so sure.

 **Bad Man:** You obviously texted the wrong person.

 **Woman:** Oh. Shit. Sorry! I guess we’re even now! What are you doing awake at this time?

 **Bad Man:** I could ask you the same.

 **Woman:** I just had the weirdest date. I thought he was going to break up with me, but we didn’t even fight. We talked about nothing of consequence. And it doesn’t make sense. I should have forced him to discuss us, to talk about our problems…

 **Bad Man:** You seem disappointed that he didn’t break up with you.

 **Woman:** No. No. No.

 **Woman:** Well, yes, maybe. I guess I just thought that it would be easier… if he just did it.

 **Bad Man:** So you didn’t have to do it yourself? That’s called cowardice.

 **Woman:** I don’t want to hurt him. What I am feeling now – this dissatisfaction – is only temporary, okay? That’s how we have always been. That’s what happens when you’re with someone for so long. Sometimes you feel bored, like you need something new and exciting… but then, just a week goes by, and suddenly you feel so grateful for having him in your life. You feel content. That’s how love is. It has to be.

 **Bad Man:** Keep telling yourself that.

 **Woman:** What’s love in your opinion, then?

 **Bad Man:** Love isn’t real. It’s just a romanticized notion of sexual urges, of the hormones and the chemicals that our body produces.

 **Woman:** Why am I not surprised that you aren’t a romantic? What about maternal or paternal love?

 **Bad Man:** People “love” their sons because they see themselves reflected in them. The triumphs of the child are their own triumphs, in the parents’ minds, the children are only an extension of them.

 **Woman:** I see you don’t have a good relationship with your parents.

 **Bad Man:** I’m going to bed.

 **Woman:** Okay. But you didn’t tell me why you were awake at this hour.

**(3:24 AM. Friday)**

**Woman:** And I see it will remain a mystery.


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter 6 **

** ( ** **05:07 PM. Sunday)**

 **Goku:** How’s Vegeta behaving?

 **Bulma:** You will have to ask my Dad, because Vegeta keeps avoiding me.

 **Goku:** What? Why would he do that?

 **Bulma:** I don’t know. Maybe a brilliant mind in a body as sexy as mine intimidates him?

 **Goku:** He doesn’t get intimidated easily.

 **Bulma:** That’s the impression he gave me in the interview, but he’s being very elusive since he started working here.

 **Goku:** Just don’t fire him, okay? He had a difficult childhood, that’s why he’s so… unusual.

 **Bulma:** I am not going to fire him, he’s doing a good job, I just hoped he was a little bit more social… so it would be easier to deal with him.

 **Goku:** He’s just shy.

 **Bulma:** That’s not the word I would use to describe him.

**(05:30 PM. Sunday)**

**Kakarot:** Vegeta, you should be nicer to Bulma.

 **Vegeta:** What are you talking about?

 **Kakarot:** She thinks you’re avoiding her.

 **Vegeta:** Did she come crying to you?

 **Kakarot:** No, I just asked her how you were doing at CC.

 **Vegeta:** Stop meddling into my life!

 **Kakarot:** If I would’ve done that, you wouldn’t have a job now.

 **Vegeta:** Stop patting yourself on the shoulder too.

 **Kakarot** : And now I want to help you keep that job.

 **Vegeta** : Did she say she is going to fire me because I am not nice to her?

 **Kakarot** : No. She just said she wished you were more social.

**(05: 58 PM. Sunday)**

**Vegeta:** Okay, Kakarot. How does one go around being… more social?

 **Kakarot:** Let me think… Well, I like people better when they share food with me!

**(07:10 PM. Monday)**

**Woman:** Something really weird happened today. Do you remember the asshole that I told you about? Vegeta, the one I had recently hired.

 **Bad Man:** Yes. What about him?

 **Woman:** He always disappears during mealtime even though my mother (who I think has a weird crush on him) always offers him all kinds of delicious food. For the first time ever, he said yes, and he sat at our table…

 **Bad Man:** Should he have rejected the offer?

 **Woman:** What? No, of course not. My mom was on the clouds, and I was intrigued for sure. The weird thing came later. He brought dessert. A chocolate cake.

 **Woman:** My mother thinks that’s an unequivocal sign that he’s courting me.

 **Bad Man:** What!?

 **Woman:** Crazy, right? She’s always thinking about romance. The chocolate cake was probably poisoned, that’s the only reason I can think for his unexpected… generosity.

 **Bad Man:** But you ate the cake!

 **Woman:** How do you know that?

 **Bad Man:** Because you’re probably fat.

 **Woman:** Hey! I may be curvy, but I’m not fat. I am very sexy. The sexiest woman in the country.

 **Bad Man:** Anyway. Why would he poison you? If he wants to keep his job, killing his employer isn’t a clever move.

 **Woman:** Yeah. I am joking. He is just a weirdo.

 **Bad Man:** Maybe he was just trying to be nice.

 **Woman:** That would be more surprising than him trying to court me or poison me.

 **Bad Man:** You sound crazier than him, woman.

**(11:00 AM. Tuesday)**

**Yamcha:** Babe, is it okay if I go by your house now? I want to see you.

 **Bulma:** Yes, but I am monitoring Vegeta’s training right now, so I can’t stop for a coffee… or a quickie.

 **Yamcha:** That’s fine. I actually want to meet the guy. Goku told me a lot about him.

 **Bulma:** Okay. But I warn you that he isn’t the nicest guy. You’re probably going to hate him.

**(09:00 PM. Tuesday)**

**Bulma:** You aren’t going to believe what happened today.

 **ChiChi:** Surprise me.

 **Bulma:** Yamcha accused me of ogling Vegeta.

 **ChiChi:** Were you?

 **Bulma:** No! Of course not! Yamcha said he recognized the lust in my eyes. Bullshit. That sounds like a corny line from an erotic novel. Nobody can actually see lust in another person’s eyes, right?

 **ChiChi:** Well, I don’t know…

 **Bulma:** I am not lusting after Vegeta!

 **ChiChi:** I know. I know. You aren’t THAT crazy. Yamcha was just being jealous, irrationally jealous.

 **Bulma:** Exactly! I mean, of course I was looking at Vegeta, because I was supervising his training in our new battlesuit. Looking at Vegeta is part of my job!

 **ChiChi:** It sounds like a fun job.

 **Bulma:** Stop it, Chi-Chi. You’re having too much fun with this!

 **ChiChi:** Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I think you and Yamcha just need to have a serious talk, try to make him feel confident. Tell him that he’s the only one you want.

 **Bulma:** Yes. You’re right. Thanks for the advice.

**(11:00 PM. Tuesday)**

**Bulma:** Yamcha, I think we need to talk. 

**(11:23 PM. Tuesday)**

**Yamcha:** So this is it, then.

 **Bulma:** What are you talking about?

 **Yamcha:** You’re going to break up with me, aren’t you?

 **Bulma:** What? No. No. I am not!

 **Bulma:** I promise.

 **Bulma:** You know what’s funny? I thought you were going to break up with me the other day, when we went out for dinner.

 **Yamcha:** Really?

 **Bulma:** Yeah. I think we can make it work, Yamcha.

 **Yamcha:** I think so too.

**(02:05 AM. Wednesday)**

**Woman:** Hey! Are you awake? WhatsApp tells me you’re “online”.

 **Bad Man:** Yes. I am awake.

 **Woman:** Do you ever sleep?

 **Bad Man:** No. I’m a vampire.

 **Woman:** Well, I need an advice from a vampire.

 **Bad Man:** Can it wait for tomorrow? I am actually busy.

 **Woman:** Busy? What's keeping you so busy at 2AM?

 **Woman:** WAIT. Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I mean, I can guess... Forget it. Tomorrow?

 **Bad Man:** Tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A full episode of B/V interactions ;)

** Chapter 7 **

**(07:12 AM. Wednesday)**

**Bad Man:** I still think I’m not the right person to give you advice.

 **Woman:** That’s an odd greeting. Good morning! Does that mean I can explain my dilemma to you?

 **Bad Man:** If you insist.

 **Woman:** Imagine you’re a man.

 **Bad Man:** Not difficult.

 **Woman:** And that you have a girlfriend.

 **Bad Man:** That’s more difficult.

 **Woman:** What? Why? Are you very ugly?

 **Bad Man:** NO, WOMAN. It’s more to do with… my overall personality.

 **Woman:** Makes sense. Some girls don’t find grumpiness attractive.

 **Bad Man:** What was your dilemma?

 **Woman:** Oh. Right. So imagine you have a girlfriend and you suspect she’s interested in another man – which isn’t true AT ALL – what would you need from her in order to feel confident about her feelings for you? Maybe, you would need her to tell you “I love you”?

 **Bad Man:** That wouldn’t be enough. People lie. Your actions speak louder than words. You need to show it, to prove it.

 **Woman:** How?

 **Bad Man:** I can’t help you with that. I don’t know your boyfriend and I don’t know the guy you’re interested in, so… I can’t know where your boyfriend’s insecurities come from.

 **Woman:** I am not interested in anyone else! It’s all in his mind!

 **Bad Man:** But your guy thinks you’re interested in someone in particular, right? Maybe you should stop seeing this guy, OR STOP TALKING TO HIM…

 **Woman:** Oh. Wait. Do you think you are the other guy? You aren’t the other guy. You’re my little dirty secret, nobody knows I’m talking to you.

 **Bad Man:** Who’s the other guy, then?

 **Woman:** Vegeta is.

 **Bad Man:** What? But you said he had a weird face.

 **Woman:** He still has a weird face.

 **Bad Man:** Then tell you boyfriend that he has a weird face!

 **Woman:** Maybe weird is not the right word… just peculiar. But I get what you’re saying, if I make Yamcha believe that I find Vegeta unattractive…

 **Bad Man:** You mean if you prove to Yamcha that you find Vegeta unattractive…

 **Woman:** Yes, yes. Whatever. Your advices aren’t otherworldly yet, but they aren’t half-bad either. You’re improving!

 **Bad Man:** I’m always happy to serve.

 **Woman:** That’s sarcasm!

 **Bad Man:** Obviously. Why are you always surprised when I use sarcasm? I know how to use it. I’ve told you several times. Actually, I’m an expert at sarcasm.

 **Woman:** Okay. Okay. Don’t get mad! Oh. I know something that’s going to cheer you up! I dreamed about you tonight. It felt like it was you at least, because you kept calling me “WOMAN!” and you talked about how you wanted to kill Raditz, but you had Vegeta’s body. Weird, right?

 **Woman:** I think it was because Vegeta once called me “Woman” too, and that reminded me of you. And you’re both kinda grumpy, so I guess it makes sense that my mind mixed you both. And I don’t know how you look, so…

 **Bad Man:** Why would that cheer me up?

 **Woman:** Because you were a great kisser in the dream 😉

 **Bad Man:** Maybe it was Vegeta who was a great kisser. It was his body after all, his lips.

 **Woman:** Oh! Are you jealous?

 **Bad Man:** That would be idiotic. Don’t do anything untoward to me in your dreams, woman.

 **Woman:** It was only a kiss. A breathtaking kiss.

 **Bad Man:** New advice. Don’t tell your boyfriend.

 **Woman:** Obviously. I’m not stupid. I’m a genius, didn’t I tell you?

 **Bad Man:** You’re very humble, too.

 **Woman:** How did you know? Okay. I have to go, but Bad Man…

 **Bad Man:** What?

 **Woman:** You were a Sex God in the dream. Thanks for the good time!

 **Bad Man:** You just said it was only a kiss!

 **Woman:** Because I promised you all my texts were PG. But I can’t lie to you!

 **Bad Man:** Bullshit. And stop having erotic dreams about me!

 **Woman:** Can I have them about Vegeta, then?

 **Bad Man:** I have to go.

 **Woman:** Wait, no. I said “I have to go” first, so I’m leaving first!

**(17:00 PM. Thursday)**

**Woman:** I didn’t follow your advice.

 **Bad Man:** What did you do?

 **Woman:** I told him that I kissed you in a dream. Well, that I kissed Vegeta, because he doesn’t know you exist.

 **Bad Man:** Why would you do that?

 **Woman:** He made me so angry, because he said that he had REASONS to doubt me, that I was always looking at other men and that he has always been faithful to me, but that isn’t true! At least, not since he became a professional baseball player, because his fans are always around…

 **Bad Man:** And he fucked one of his fans?

 **Woman:** No! She kissed him. And he did push her away… but not right away! So I told him that at least, I had only kissed Vegeta in a dream, not in real life! So that doesn’t count!

 **Woman:** And he got angry. Which was silly, because it’s only a dream.

 **Woman:** And now I don’t know if we are broken up or what. It sure felt like it.

 **Woman:** Hey! Aren’t you going to say anything?

 **Bad Man:** Don’t mix Vegeta in your problems, woman. Let the man be.

 **Woman:** Hey! It was just a dream! I can’t control them. And it’s not like I’m going to tell him, I know that would make things very awkward between us.

 **Woman:** And he was an absolute asshole to me in the interview, so he had it coming!

 **Bad Man:** But he has behaved well since then, hasn’t he?

 **Woman:** Yes. How do you know that?

 **Bad Man:** You would have complained otherwise.

 **Woman:** He just keeps his distance.

 **Bad Man:** And he’s doing his job.

 **Woman:** Yes. In silence.

 **Bad Man:** Is being very social a requisite in your company?

 **Woman:** No, of course not. But he’s extremely antisocial. I am surprised Goku is friends with him. Well, no, I am not. Goku makes friends with everyone, he has that talent.

 **Bad Man:** Maybe it is you who are extremely social.

 **Woman:** And it’s that a bad thing?

 **Bad Man** : Is being antisocial a bad thing?

 **Bad Man:** Just stop pestering the man.

 **Woman:** I’m not pestering him. You’re just jealous. Is that it? Are you jealous? We can meet if you want, you know. Would you like that? I would!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the LOONG wait, real life interrupted my writing and inspiration process, but I am back!

_In the previous chapter:_

_**Woman:** I’m not pestering him. You’re just jealous. Is that it? Are you jealous? We can meet if you want, you know. Would you like that? I would!_

**Chapter 8**

**(12:15 PM. Thursday)**

**Bad Man:** I don’t think that’s a good idea.

 **Woman:** It took you a day to come to that decision? Okay, why isn’t it a good idea?

 **Bad Man:** You said it would be better if we didn’t know anything about the other.

 **Woman:** Well, I changed my mind.

 **Bad Man:** I am not looking for a romantic relationship.

 **Woman:** Me neither! I just wanted to meet you, as friends.

 **Bad Man:** I’m not looking for friends either.

 **Woman:** Really? Because I feel like we’re already friends.

 **Bad Man:** You don’t know me.

 **Woman:** That’s why I want to meet you.

 **Bad Man:** You’re not going to like me.

 **Woman:** Let me find out for myself.

 **Bad Man:** You keep complaining about Vegeta’s antisocial ways. Why do you think I am going to be any different?

 **Woman:** Is that why you keep defending him? Do you identify with him?

 **Bad Man:** From what you said, there are some similarities for sure.

 **Woman:** You aren’t Vegeta. And the biggest difference is that I don’t like Vegeta, I like YOU.

 **Woman:** Do you like me?

 **Woman:** As friends, at least?

 **Woman:** ☹

**(17:00 PM. Thursday)**

**Woman:** I have just been rejected by a man. REJECTED, Chi.

 **ChiChi:** What are you talking about? What man?

 **Woman:** A guy I have been texting.

 **ChiChi:** What? What about Yamcha?

 **Woman:** Hey! We didn’t say or do anything inappropriate. We are just friends. I have even told him about Yamcha.

 **ChiChi:** But you are feeling down because he rejected you. That means you asked him out or something.

 **Bulma:** Yes. I wanted to meet him in person.

 **ChiChi:** You have never met him in person?

 **Bulma:** Nope.

 **ChiChi:** Bulma! He could be old, or married, or really really ugly. OR A PSYCHO!

 **Bulma:** Psycho or no psycho, I can take care of myself. And he said he wasn’t married and that he didn’t have a girlfriend.

 **ChiChi:** And you believed him?

 **Bulma:** Yes, I did. Why would he lie? He obviously doesn’t want to have anything with me. Not even a friendship.

 **ChiChi:** Maybe he just doesn’t want to go out with a girl that has a boyfriend.

 **Bulma:** Yamcha and I just broke up. And he knows that.

 **ChiChi:** What? Bulma! You should’ve started with that. What happened?

 **Bulma:** We don’t trust each other, at least in the faithfulness department. And it took me too long to realize that. It hasn’t been working for years, Chi. I just didn’t want to admit it.

 **ChiChi:** I’m sorry. Do you want to meet for coffee and talk about it?

 **Bulma:** Yeah. That sounds good.

 **ChiChi:** Wait! Did you tell this stranger about your break-up before you told ME?

 **Bulma:** See you in 30 minutes in that cake place we love?

 **ChiChi:** Bulma!

**(21:00 PM. Thursday)**

**Goku:** Hey, Yamcha. Chi-Chi told me that you and Bulma broke up. I’m really sorry. How are you feeling?

 **Yamcha:** What? We didn’t break up. We only had a fight. Who told Chi-Chi that we broke up?

 **Goku:** Shit.

 **Yamcha:** Did Bulma say we broke up?

 **Goku:** Ehm. I think so?

 **Yamcha:** Goku!

 **Goku:** Yes. I know that for sure. Bulma told Chi-Chi.

 **Yamcha:** Fuck. I didn’t know we had broken up. What do I do?

 **Goku:** I don’t know what someone does during a break up. Cry and eat ice-cream?

 **Yamcha:** No, Goku. What do I do to get her back?

 **Goku:** I don’t know. You are always breaking up and getting back together. What have you done in the past?

 **Yamcha:** I think I will buy her some flowers.

 **Goku:** That’s a good idea. Women love flowers.

 **Yamcha:** It will have to wait for next week, though. I have a game out of the city this weekend.

**(05:05 AM. Sunday)**

**Woman:** I know you don’t want to meet and that’s fine, but can we still talk please?

 **Woman:** I just want things to be like they were before.

 **Woman:** I know you’re online. As late as it is.

 **Bad Man:** I’m busy right now. We can talk tomorrow.

 **Woman:** What are you doing so late?

 **Bad Man:** Working.

 **Woman:** Oh. Do you work night shifts? Are you a doctor or a nurse?

 **Bad Man:** I have to go.

**(09:23 AM. Monday)**

**Bulma:** Goku. I have been trying to call you. Please, call me. It’s important.

 **Bulma** : It’s about Vegeta.

 **Bulma:** Goku. Damn it, call me! We’re at my house. He doesn’t want to go to the hospital so I called our personal doctor.

 **Bulma:** Shit. Goku. I have so many questions. Why the fuck did Vegeta come to work with a BULLET WOUND? And he still trained until he fainted on me!

 **Bulma:** He’s stable now. I don’t want you to worry, but Goku, CALL ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

**(09:55 AM. Monday)**

**Bulma:** Chi-Chi, I am trying to reach Goku and it’s impossible.

 **ChiChi:** He’s training with Tien and Yajirobe. What’s up?

 **Bulma:** Vegeta is unconscious. He fell in the middle of his training session. I ran to him and saw that he had blood on his right shoulder, because he had a bullet wound. Why the fuck does he have a bullet wound, ChiChi?

 **ChiChi:** Shit. Because he has a difficult life, Bulma.

 **Bulma:** I think I deserve to know more than that!

 **ChiChi:** I don’t think it’s my place to tell you. Or Goku’s. I will go to pick Goku up at the gym where they’re training and I will drive him to the hospital. Okay?

 **Bulma:** We’re not at the hospital. He regained conscience for a moment and begged me not to take him to the hospital, I suppose because he doesn’t want the authorities to know he has A FUCKING BULLET WOUND in his shoulder. We’re at CC.

 **ChiChi:** Okay. We will go there. See you soon.  
  



	9. Chapter 9

** Chapter 9 **

**(05:25 PM. Tuesday)**

**Woman:** I know you’re angry at me. Or I think you’re angry at me but I really need to talk, I need a friendly ear.

 **Woman:** Something big happened. I am worried. Fucking worried.

 **Woman:** Please, Bad Man. Answer.

 **Woman:** Okay. I’m going to tell you anyway. Because I need to bent.

 **Woman:** Vegeta is unconscious since yesterday morning. He is severely wounded. He had… an accident while training, and although he already came to work in… a very weak condition, I can’t stop thinking that if he dies, it will be my fault. My bot’s fault.

 **Woman:** That sounds selfish, right? Like I’m only worried about his recovery because I feel somewhat guilty about it, but that’s not it. Or at least, that’s not all. He’s a person. Yes, antisocial, a grumpy and mysterious man, and he probably hates me because he used to avoid me constantly.

 **Woman:** But I know there’s something more to him. He’s different. Special. Sometimes when I look at him, he’s so deep in his thoughts, that I can’t stop wondering about his life. About his worries. About why he always seems so angry with the world. He’s always frowning, to the point where I sometimes feel the urge to touch between his eyebrows… and erase that expression from his face.

 **Woman:** He doesn’t frown while he sleeps. I mean, that’s normal, right? But it doesn’t look normal on him. So now I wish he was frowning, because this passive expression doesn’t suit him. It’s like he’s empty, and that’s scary.

 **Woman:** Bad Man. Please, say something. I need you.

**(08:10 PM. Tuesday)**

**Bulma:** Vegeta is awake! He’s feverish and delirious, but he’s awake. That’s a good sign.

 **Goku:** Shit. Bulma. That’s great! Can I go see him?

 **Bulma:** Of course! That’s why I texted you. He probably doesn’t want to see you, but fuck him, right? 😊 He may get angry, but that’s good, I think. It means he’s alive, right?

 **Goku:** I don’t know. I think so? See you soon!

**(22:30 PM. Wednesday)**

**Yamcha:** Bulma. I’m sorry for this afternoon. I acted poorly.

 **Bulma:** I don’t have time for this, Yamcha. _I’m nursing him._

 **Yamcha:** I’m sorry I said that. I guess I was jealous that you were giving him so much of your time.

 **Bulma:** He’s recovering from an accident, Yamcha.

 **Yamcha:** I know. How is he?

 **Bulma:** Better. Grumpy, again. Yay!

 **Yamcha:** You like that about him. Admit that at least.

 **Bulma:** I like making him eat his own words.

 **Yamcha:** Sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

 **Bulma:** Yamcha, I’m not going to argue with you again. Not via text, and not face to face either. I have to go, Vegeta is calling me.

 **Yamcha:** You just did that in purpose to bother me, didn’t you? Saying Vegeta is calling you. Right? Bulma? Okay. Give a goodnight kiss to your knight in filthy bandages.

 **Bulma:** Thank you for the flowers. Bye.

**(06:30 PM. Thursday)**

**ChiChi:** Hi, Bulma! How is Vegeta doing?

 **Bulma:** He’s back to being his old self. He recovers surprisingly fast.

 **ChiChi:** Goku is a little bit like him in that sense. Can we go visit him? _Goku insists._

 **Bulma:** Yes. Of course. I think he’s in a good mood.

 **ChiChi:** Well, that would be a first.

 **Bulma:** He told me why he needs this job. Why he needs the money.

 **ChiChi:** Really? I’m surprised.

 **Bulma:** Well, I kinda forced him. I told him I would fire him if he didn’t tell me about the bullet.

 **ChiChi:** That makes more sense than Vegeta simply delivering that info.

 **Bulma:** Shit, Chi-Chi. That Frieza guy is demented. Making Vegeta pay for basically raising him is the most fucked up thing I have ever heard.

 **ChiChi:** Yeah. He’s a crook.

 **Bulma:** Who’s making Vegeta do crooked things.

 **ChiChi:** Goku made him promise he wouldn’t let… his criminal activities reach Capsule Corporation. I am sorry he recommended him, Bulma.

 **Bulma:** I am not! It’s not his fault that Frieza forces him to do things like robbing jewelry shops until he pays him the sum of money Frieza spent on him during his childhood. Although, I really doubt his expenses for Vegeta’s schooling and other needs amount to so much money.

 **ChiChi:** Is that what happened? A jewelry shop’s guard shot him when he tried to break into the shop?

 **Bulma:** No. Frieza told him that a guy named Zarbon owed him money, an old associate or something, and he wanted Vegeta to deliver a threating message, but Zarbon didn’t take it well.

 **ChiChi:** He shot him?

 **Bulma:** Yeah.

 **ChiChi:** So what are you going to do?

 **Bulma:** What do you mean?

 **ChiChi:** Are you going to fire Vegeta?

 **Bulma:** No! I promised I wouldn’t do that if he told me the truth, and he did!

 **ChiChi:** So you don’t care about his other jobs?

 **Bulma:** Of course I care. I am going to give him a pay raise, so he doesn’t need to take Frieza’s odd jobs. I will help him pay up the rest of his debt.

 **ChiChi:** Vegeta won’t take charity.

 **Bulma:** I know that. That’s why I told him we needed him fulltime, and that we would be paying him the extra hours. Generously, incredibly generously, but don’t tell him about this last part.

**(09:00 PM. Friday)**

**Bad Man:** Is he alive?

 **Woman:** Oh. _You_ are alive! What a surprise!

 **Bad Man:** It wasn't my intention to ignore you. My phone broke, I sent it to be fixed.

 **Woman:** Okay, whatever. I acept your excuse.

 **Bad Man:** So is he okay?

 **Woman:** You mean Vegeta? Yeah. He's alive. He’s a survivor.

 **Bad Man:** So why was he so severely wounded? And why? It sounds like there must be an interesting story there.

 **Woman:** I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone.

 **Bad Man:** Now you’re keeping his secrets?

 **Woman:** Yes. I’m only discussing it with the people who already know, people who are his friends, NOT A TOTAL STRANGER.

 **Bad Man:** I imagine you will fire him now.

 **Woman:** Why would I fire him?

 **Bad Man:** You said he came severely wounded, in a week condition… That can only mean he was in a fight, or that he runs with the wrong crowd. You don’t want that in your life.

 **Bad Man:** I mean, you don’t want that in your company.

 **Woman:** Well, this may surprise you then, because I am paying him extra hours, so he will be around more.

 **Bad Man:** Why? What are you planning, woman?

 **Woman:** What do you mean?

 **Bad Man:** Are you going to take advantage of him now that you know his secret? Are you just waiting to blackmail him or use him as a slave?

 **Woman:** WTF? Who do you think I am?

 **Woman:** No answer? Well, Bad Man. I had to say this is the first time I really think you really are an asshole.


	10. Chapter 10

** Chapter 10 **

**(08:15 PM. Thursday)**

**ChiChi:** What you’re doing for Vegeta is great and all, but you’re ruining my life.

 **Bulma:** What are you talking about?

 **ChiChi:** You impressed Goku with what you are doing for Vegeta, and now he wants to do more too.

 **Bulma:** What? I don’t follow. What I am doing for Vegeta isn’t impressive, I am just paying him the extra hours he’s doing.

 **ChiChi:** We both know you’re paying him the salary of an executive just so he will flex muscles for more hours a day.

 **Bulma:** The way you say it… it sounds perverted. My intentions are pure.

 **ChiChi:** I know. You want to help him get rid of Frieza. And that’s incredibly nice, especially because Vegeta isn’t your friend. Goku thinks so too, and that’s why he says he also wants to do more to help Vegeta, because he is his friend and it’s his duty or something.

 **Bulma:** I see. Is he going to empty your shared bank account to give all the money to Vegeta?

 **ChiChi:** No. Thank God. Goku says I make him happy.

 **Bulma:** That’s romantic.

 **ChiChi:** That Gohan makes him happy. That having a family makes him happy, so he wants the same for Vegeta.

 **Bulma:** Does Goku know he can’t buy a family in the supermarket?

 **ChiChi:** Yes. He’s just going to introduce him to a girl he met in the gym…

 **Bulma:** Hoping that she and Vegeta will make cute little babies and start a family?

 **ChiChi:** Yep.

 **Bulma:** That’s disgusting.

 **ChiChi:** Having babies and starting a family is disgusting?

 **Bulma:** No. The idea that Goku can basically sell Vegeta to any girl. This isn’t going to end well.

 **ChiChi:** Oh, I agree. At least, it won’t end with a white picket fence house, two kids and a dog.

 **Bulma:** Wait. How is this ruining your life?

 **ChiChi:** Goku wants to invite Vegeta and this girl to dinner. I have been the whole day in the kitchen, because he wants the food to be perfect and also weirdly aphrodisiac. He’s even buying candles, wants to make it romantic. That’s a fire hazard waiting to happen.

 **Bulma:** That ruins your day, not your life.

 **ChiChi:** Well, I’m dramatic. Sue me.

 **Bulma:** Don’t despair. I can’t imagine Vegeta wants to go to such a dinner.

 **ChiChi:** That’s why Goku is setting him a trap. He doesn’t know the girl is coming. He thinks it’s just one of our regular dinners.

 **Bulma:** Why do you keep calling her “the girl”? Doesn’t she have a name?

 **ChiChi:** I suppose she does, I just don’t remember it. Goku said she’s in the women’s national basketball team, and she’s the number 18, so I keep calling her 18 in my mind.

 **Bulma:** She plays basketball? She must be very tall. Vegeta won’t like her.

 **ChiChi:** Why?

 **Bulma:** Because he’s very short!

 **ChiChi:** This is her. So I don’t think he will really care that she’s taller than him.

**Bulma:** Wait. So suddenly you think Goku can be successful in his schemes?

 **ChiChi:** No. I just think that, if she's willing, Vegeta will fuck her once, or maybe more than once, and then he will get bored and stop calling her.

 **Bulma:** Well, you can’t allow that to happen!

 **ChiChi:** Why not? They’re adults. Let them do naughty things if they want.

 **Bulma:** Where is your sense of sorority? We can’t allow Vegeta to use her like that. Women power! We have to help each other.

 **ChiChi:** I only met her once, but she’s very cold. I am sure she doesn’t get attached easily, she will be fine. Now that I think about it, they seem perfect for each other. Maybe Goku is wiser than he seems.

 **Bulma:** No, ChiChi. This is a horrible idea.

 **ChiChi:** Why?

 **Bulma:** I don’t know! Vegeta and I have been talking more lately and… he never told me he was looking for a relationship or for a fuckbudy or anything like that. He is the kind of man who just wants to be left alone, and we should do that.

 **ChiChi:** Says the woman that wants to save him from a life of slavery so she’s putting her huge fortune to good use.

 **Bulma:** What can I say? I’m the closest thing to Batman this city has.

**(01:00 PM. Saturday)**

**Goku:** Hello, Bulma! Are you there?

 **Bulma:** Yes. Thank you so much for the dinner yesterday! I had fun!

 **Goku:** We were so surprised when you knocked on the door. I wasn’t expecting you, but I am happy you came! We had fun too. And thank you for the wine!

 **Bulma:** It was nothing, just some tasty Rioja. And I am sorry, I really thought Chi-Chi told you.

 **Goku:** She still swears you didn’t tell her you were coming.

 **Bulma:** She has such a bad memory! Anyway, did you need anything from me?

 **Goku:** Lazuli asked me for your phone number, but I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first.

 **Bulma:** My number? What does she want?

 **Goku:** I don’t know. She didn’t say.

 **Bulma:** Okay. Giver her my number, I don’t mind.

**(05:25 PM. Saturday)**

**18:** Hello, Bulma. I’m Lazuli. I just wanted to say… I acknowledge your feelings and I’m sorry if my presence yesterday opened old wounds for you.

 **Bulma:** Sorry? I don’t understand anything of what you just said.

 **18:** My therapist told me I should be more empathetic and acknowledge the suffering of others.

 **Bulma:** I wasn’t suffering yesterday. I… What are you talking about?

 **18:** It’s okay. I’m not over my ex either. I know how it feels.

 **Bulma:** I’m over my ex. I haven’t thought of him in a long time. Believe me.

 **18** : When you surprisingly appeared yesterday, it was obvious that the idea of Vegeta moving on was torture for you.

 **Bulma:** You think Vegeta is my ex-boyfriend?

 **18:** They way you both bickered, it was pretty obvious. But he won’t move on… at least not to me, I can promise you that.

 **Bulma:** Okay. Thanks, I guess?

 **18:** It’s fine. I don’t want Krilin to move on either, and maybe that’s selfish, but that’s how I feel.

 **Bulma:** Who’s Krilin?

 **18:** My boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend. He broke up with me because he said I only cared about my own feelings and nobody else’s. He said I was too self-centered.

 **Bulma:** I’m sorry for that.

 **18:** I am trying to change. That’s why I am going to the therapist. So would you say I was empathetic just now?

 **Bulma:** Uhm…Yes? Yes, yes. Of course.

 **18:** Can you call Krillin to tell him I was very nice to you and that I took your feelings into consideration?

 **Bulma:** Wouldn’t that be weird? I don’t know your ex, he doesn’t know me, so…

 **18:** You may be right. If I tell him and he decides to check if it’s true, would you mind if he calls you to ask?

 **Bulma:** No, I don’t mind. But I really think he won’t deem it necessary.

 **18:** You may be right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is a little bit different from the others. Bulma is now focusing more on Vegeta than on Bad Man. I hope you still liked it. I also decided to make 18 a little bit more different than her usual cold self and weirdly use her for some comedy! She's a little bit awkward, but I hope you liked her!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm really sorry for basically abandoning this fanfic, but after the summer, I've been crazily busy with work. I had this chapter half-written, so I decided to finish it and upload it. I promise I will finish this fanfic, but I can't say when I will update next. Thank you for your patience!

** Chapter 11 **

**(6:15 PM. Wednesday)**

**Goku:** Hi, Bulma. Can you tell Vegeta when you see him that my brother is going over to his house tomorrow?

 **Bulma:** Do you have a brother? Since when?

 **Goku:** Well, he’s older than me so… before I was born?

 **Bulma:** What? Why did you never tell me about him?

 **Goku:** I don’t know. I thought I had… but I am starting to see that there are a lot of things that I think everyone knows about me that they don’t actually know! Some time ago, Vegeta told me he didn’t know people usually call me Goku!

 **Bulma:** Of course people call you Goku, it’s your name.

 **Goku:** Well, yes, it’s my name, but it’s also my nickname.

 **Bulma:** What do you mean? Isn’t Goku your real name?

 **Goku:** Yes, it is.

 **Bulma** : Is it the name that appears on your ID?

 **Goku:** No, my official name appears in my ID.

 **Bulma:** What’s your official name?

 **Goku:** Kakarot, you know that!

 **Bulma:** What? No, no. I didn’t know that! Kakarot? That name sounds familiar.

 **Goku:** Of course it sounds familiar. It’s my name.

 **Bulma:** It doesn’t sound familiar because of you! Nobody calls you Kakarot.

 **Goku:** Vegeta calls me Kakarot!

 **Bulma:** Really? He has never done so in front of me, or I guess… He has never mentioned you in front of me. He tends to ignore your existence.

 **Goku:** My brother calls me Kakarot too.

 **Bulma:** And I don’t know your brother. What was his name again?

 **Goku:** Raditz.

 **Bulma:** Yeah. You’re joking, right? You found my phone once, saw my conversation with Bad Man and decided to trick me. Is it fool’s day already?

 **Goku:** What are you talking about? Are you talking with a bad man, Bulma? I don’t think that’s a good idea. Where did you meet him?

 **Bulma:** Is your real name really Kakarot? And is your brother’s name really Radtiz?

 **Goku:** Yes. I know they’re weird names, but… they’re not _that_ weird. Why do they surprise you so much? You can keep calling me Goku, you know? Only Vegeta and Raditz call me Kakarot.

 **Bulma:** Shit, Goku. This can’t be true. Vegeta can’t be Bad Man.

 **Goku:** What? I wouldn’t say he’s a bad man, Bulma. He’s… different, I guess.

 **Bulma:** That’s not what I meant! Okay. Answer me this: Vegeta doesn’t have a cellphone, does he?

 **Goku:** He does. He bought one some days before he started working at CC. Don’t you have his number?

 **Bulma:** No! He only gave me his land phone number!

 **Goku:** Maybe he thought you were going to bother him too much if you had his cellphone. He isn’t very talkative.

 **Bulma:** Yeah? You would be surprised… So why isn’t Raditz calling Vegeta directly to his cellphone?

 **Goku:** Vegeta is just ignoring him. He does that from time to time. Raditz just wants to make sure that he has read his texts even if he’s not answering, you know? To make sure that Vegeta will be home.

 **Bulma:** SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. Everything fits.

 **Goku:** So will you tell him?

**(07:00 PM. Wednesday)**

**Goku:** Bulma, will you?

 **Goku:** Bulma! Hello?

 **Bulma:** Sorry. I was reading his texts, over and over again. And everything makes sense. The fucker has been manipulating me.

 **Goku:** Who? This bad man you mentioned?

 **Bulma:** Yes!

 **Goku:** Well, you shouldn’t talk with a guy that calls himself Bad Man, you know?

 **Bulma:** He doesn’t call himself that. It doesn’t matter, Goku! God, I’m going to kill him.

 **Goku:** What? Who?

 **Bulma:** Vegeta!

 **Goku:** How is this his fault? I don’t understand anything.

**(7:30 PM. Wednesday)**

**Bulma:** Vegeta is going to die a very slow and painful death.

 **ChiChi:** What? What did he do? I thought you were getting along.

 **Bulma:** I thought so too, but he’s been lying to me.

 **ChiChi:** If it’s about his past, Bulma, don’t take that against him.

 **Bulma** : I am not talking about that. Vegeta is Bad Man! Do you remember the stranger I was texting with?

 **ChiChi:** What? That doesn’t sound like Vegeta. I can’t imagine him texting, or flirting through text or sexting…

 **Bulma:** Chi-Chi! We didn’t do any of those things! We just talked.

 **ChiChi:** That doesn’t sound like Vegeta either.

 **ChiChi:** Wait. Then, are you saying Vegeta is the man that rejected you?

 **Bulma** : YES! Shit! Of course he rejected me, he didn’t want me to recognize him! The fucker! How didn’t I realize it before? I’m supposed to be a genius!

 **ChiChi** : Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s… something unusual for sure. What are you going to do now? Besides killing him.

 **Bulma** : I’m thinking that revenge is better served cold, right?

 **ChiChi:** What devious plan do you have in mind?

 **Bulma** : Well, he doesn’t know that I know it, and that makes things very interesting, would you agree?

 **ChiChi** : No. I wouldn’t. Bulma, don't do anything too crazy, Vegeta has a very short fuse.

 **Bulma** : I know, but he must learn that nobody plays with Bulma Briefs. I am going to make him try his own medicine!

 **ChiChi** : Wait. You liked this guy you were texting.

 **Bulma** : I never said that!

 **ChiChi** : It was pretty obvious. Does that mean you like Vegeta?

 **Bulma** : No. No. Of course not.

 **ChiChi** : Okay.

 **Bulma** : Would that be bad? Liking him, I mean?

 **ChiChi:** No, not bad. I mean, it’s difficult for me to imagine ANYONE liking Vegeta, but then… you have never been very normal.

**Bulma:** Shit. This is weird. I didn’t just like Bad Man, I was staring to like Vegeta too, so it’s the first time I have liked the same guy… twice, if that makes sense.

 **ChiChi** : It doesn’t make much sense.

 **Bulma** : This is so confusing. I had a fight with him, with Bad Man I mean, because he insinuated that I should fire Vegeta because I was trying to exploit him. Or that’s how I took it. I think he was just trying to make sure I could be trusted.

 **ChiChi:** Why is your love life always so complicated?

 **Bulma** : I don’t know. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Revenge first, then love.

 **ChiChi:** Love?

 **Bulma:** That’s not what I meant! Focus on the revenge, Chi!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very important chapter, isn't it? I hope you liked it!


	12. Chapter 12

** Chapter 12 **

**(5:15 PM. Thursday)**

**Woman:** Hey, I’m sorry I called you an asshole.

 **Bad Man:** You weren’t the first one and you won’t be the last one.

 **Woman:** Yeah. I was just very angry because you said that I was trying to exploit Vegeta, and that’s not true, I swear.

 **Bad Man:** Okay. I believe you.

 **Woman:** But maybe you were right in that I wanted something from him…

 **Bad Man:** What?

 **Woman:** Well, I am paying him to come and stay here more hours a day. Isn’t it obvious?

 **Bad Man:** No, it isn’t!

 **Woman:** And his work requires him to be topless and sweating and… You know.

 **Bad Man:** No, I don’t know!

 **Woman:** Well, okay. I will spell it out for you. I have the hots for him. No, that’s not true. I am falling for him. I have a crush on him. And it’s not only his body, I like _him_ for who he is.

**(5:32 PM. Thursday)**

**Woman:** Really? You aren’t going to say anything?

 **Bad Man:** No. Because I don’t believe you.

 **Woman:** You say that because you haven’t seen a picture of him in his workout clothes.

 **Bad Man:** Stop it.

 **Woman:** And those muscles!

 **Bad Man:** You’re only saying that because you’re trying to make me jealous.

 **Woman:** Oh, no. You lost your chance when you decided you didn’t want to meet me.

 **Bad Man:** Exactly. You’re angry because I rejected you, so you’re trying to make me jealous now.

 **Woman:** Think whatever you want, but tomorrow it will Vegeta the one being thoroughly seduced by the one and only Bulma Briefs, AND NOT YOU!

 **Woman:** Because, yes, that’s my name. Look it up online so you can see what you lost!

 **Bad Man:** What do you plan to do to Vegata?

 **Woman:** Something very naughty. 😉

**(8:32 AM. Friday.)**

**Bulma:** Good Vengeance day, dear!

 **ChiChi:** So it’s that day, I see.

 **Bulma:** Yep.

 **ChiChi:** What are you going to do, Bulma? I hope it’s not related to… his past troubles.

 **Bulma:** No, of course not! I’m just going to seduce him! I already told Bad Man my plan to do naughty things to Vegeta, so I’m sure he’s already sweating buckets!

 **ChiChi:** What? How’s that a vengeance?

 **Bulma:** This may surprise you, ChiChi, but he’s a prude. Once he called me “Vulgar” because I told him he was cute.

 **ChiChi:** It still doesn’t make much sense to me.

 **Bulma:** I will sunbath at noon by the swimming pool in my smallest bikini, I know he always walks by that area when he goes to lunch. I will also talk to him very close, very flirty, and maybe kiss his cheek. And he will avoid me and stutter and… it will be amazingly cute, but oh so embarrassing for him!

 **ChiChi:** So you’re just going to make him feel very awkward. Well, hopefully he won’t sue you for harassment.

 **Bulma:** Oh, shoo. I won’t do anything too forward, unless he wants it 😉

 **ChiChi** : What if he actually welcomes your flirty maneuvers, and tries to kiss you or something?

 **Bulma:** Nah, that won’t happen. Believe me, he has zero game. It’s actually adorable.

 **ChiChi:** I don’t know, Bulma. He may surprise you.

 **Bulma:** We will see what happens then!

 **ChiChi:** You’re way too excited for this. Will you eventually tell him that you know he’s Bad Man?

 **Bulma:** Yes, once he has suffered enough.

**(8:32 PM. Friday.)**

**Vegeta:** Kakarot, tell the woman that I won’t go to work on Monday.

 **Kakarot:** What woman?

 **Vegeta:** Bulma!

 **Kakarot:** Oh, okay. Why aren’t you going to work on Monday? Tell me you aren’t going back to… your old little jobs.

 **Vegeta:** No. I am just taking the day off.

 **Karakot:** Good! I don’t think you’ve ever taken a day off. Are you doing something fun, like going to a theme park or something?

 **Vegeta:** I will just stay at home. I only want to show her that she can’t play with me.

 **Kakarot:** How was she playing with you?

 **Vegeta:** If you need to know, she was flirting with me just to make another guy jealous. I’m nobody’s second dish, not even if that guy is… Never mind.

 **Kakarot:** What? Who does she want to make jealous? I didn’t know she was seeing anyone.

 **Vegeta:** Well, she’s not exactly seeing him. They have been texting for a while.

 **Kakarot:** Oh, that bad man.

 **Vegeta:** She told you about him?

 **Kakarot:** Yeah, she was very angry the other day. I didn’t understand all, but she was saying something about that guy she was texting, and how he was a bad man, or that you were a bad man. No, maybe it was that you couldn’t be a bad man… I don’t know. It was weird.

 **Vegeta:** She said I was a bad man?

 **Kakarot:** I am sure she didn’t mean it!

 **Vegeta:** Shit. She knows.

 **Kakarot:** What does she knows?

 **Vegeta:** Forget what I told you before. I am going to work on Monday for sure.

**(13:11 PM. Saturday.)**

**Bulma:** He acted exactly as I expected, he run away from me as a scaredy cat. I am so looking forward to Monday!

 **ChiChi:** Are you telling him then that you know he’s Bad Man?

 **Bulma:** No! This is being way too fun!

**(04:45 PM. Saturday.)**

**Woman:** He’s playing hard to get, but I’m not giving up.

 **Bad Man:** Good to know.

 **Woman:** That sounded sarcastic!

**(9:05 PM. Monday.)**

**Bulma:** Something weird happened today.

 **ChiChi:** What?

 **Bulma:** Vegeta was… flirting back, and being quite forward actually.

 **ChiChi:** Yeah. Bulma, I have to tell you something. Goku told Vegeta that you know he’s Bad Man, I mean, he didn’t know he was telling him, but… yeah!

 **Bulma:** That fucker! He was playing with me, then!

 **ChiChi:** So this is the perfect moment to clear everything up, right?

 **Bulma:** Are you crazy? No! He doesn’t know that I know he knows I know!

 **ChiChi:** That was… confusing.

 **Bulma:** I retreated yesterday, but only because I was planning my next strategy.

 **ChiChi:** Which is?

 **Bulma:** I’m going to kiss him!  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one and it's already written so I will post in next week as very late!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess Valentine's day (or the day after) is a good time to post the last chapter!

** Chapter 13 **

**(10:45 AM. Tuesday.)**

**ChiChi:** Did you actually kiss him? I’m weirdly invested in this.

 **Bulma:** Yes! And he kissed me back!

 **ChiChi:** Just tell him you like him and that you know he’s Bad Man and stop these silly games.

 **Bulma:** I am not going to be the first to tell him all that! I want him to admit that he has been playing with me!

 **ChiChi:** Oh, Bulma. You’re like a child some times. What are you going to do next?

 **Bulma:** Well, I invited him to my room tonight, after work. He was so damn uncomfortable when I invited him. Believe me, he’s not going to come… which means, that I win!

 **ChiChi:** I am not sure what you win in this scenario. You’re both too stubborn for your own good. What happens if he actually goes to your room?

 **Bulma:** We will have sex, I guess.

 **ChiChi:** And you’re willing to have sex with him… to win this weird competition you both are having?

 **Bulma:** I am an adult, and he’s hot. We can have a one-night-stand and survive.

 **ChiChi:** I am not so sure. What if he only has sex with you because of this weird game, and then, he ignores you afterwards?

 **Bulma:** That won’t happen. I’m Bulma Briefs.

 **ChiChi:** Bulma, you like him way more than you want to admit. I think you’re doing all this because you want to flirt with him, and kiss him, and have sex with him… and not because you actually want him to tell you he’s Bad Man.

 **ChiChi:** And I am worried that he’s going to hurt you. Emotionally, I mean.

 **Bulma:** ChiChi, I am an adult.

 **ChiChi:** Just be careful.

**(05:45 PM. Tuesday.)**

**Kakarot:** Hey, Vegeta. I don’t know what’s going on, but ChiChi wanted me to ask you not to go to Bulma’s bedroom tonight.

 **Vegeta:** Tell your harpy to mind her own business.

 **Kakarot:** She also wanted me to tell you that she thinks Bulma is falling for you and that, if you don’t feel the same, you should stay away from her.

 **Kakarot:** Okay?

**(06:15 PM. Tuesday.)**

**Kakarot:** Vegeta? Are you there?

 **Kakarot:** Just don’t hurt her, okay?

**(08:20 PM. Tuesday.)**

**Bulma:** He was supposed to be here at 08:00, but he isn’t here yet!

 **ChiChi:** That’s good, isn’t it? It means you win.

 **Bulma:** It also means he really doesn’t like me, right?

 **ChiChi:** Oh, Bulma.

 **Bulma:** I feel so stupid. I really thought…

 **Bulma:** Shit! He’s here. Talk to you later!

++++

Bulma, quite nerviously, put her phone on the nightstand. Vegeta was in front of her, arms crossed and his signature frown on place. He stood behind the door frame, as if he hadn’t decided yet if he wanted to come in or not.

“I thought you weren’t coming”, Bulma said, feeling weirdly shy.

“I thought about it”.

“Well, I’m happy you decided to come”.

She walked to him, slowly, and put her arms on his shoulders. He didn’t flinch or move, so she took that as a good sign. She closed the distance between them and kissed his lips. After several seconds of slow kissing, Vegeta grabbed her waist and pushed her toward the bed. He intensified the kiss, adding tongue and teeth to this intimate dance. Bulma sat on the bed and grabbed his shirt, pushing him towards her.

But Chi-Chi’s words inside her head stopped her. She broke the kiss and looked at him with apprehension. His own look turned confused and he opened his lips, probably to ask her if she was okay, but Bulma was faster:

“Before we do anything, I wanted to say I know you’re Bad Man”.

“I know”, was his only answer.

“And I know that you know”. Bulma said, and he nodded. “So this isn’t a game for me, I want to fuck you because I like you”.

“Vulgar Woman”. He muttered, but he was smiling.

“Bad Man”, She called him. “I liked him too. Bad Man, I mean. And I like Vegeta, and that made me very confused, so I guess what I want to say is that I like you very much and I am very happy that Bad Man turned out to be Vegeta”.

“Same”.

“Same?” She asked, raising one brow.

“Don’t ask me to say it out loud, Woman”.

“Well, if you want this thing to continue…” She said, pointing at them both.

He grunted. “Okay. I am happy that Woman turned out to be Bulma Briefs”.

She smiled, but said: “That’s not exactly what I wanted to hear”.

“I like you too, infuriating woman”.

She laughed and kissed him, _hard._

**(09:20 AM. Tuesday.)**

**ChiChi:** Bulma! Are you okay? I haven been calling you but you haven’t picked up!

 **Bulma:** I am more than okay! Life is beautiful. Sex is beautiful.

 **ChiChi:** I see. So… are you now boyfriend and girlfriend?

 **Bulma:** You’re so old-fashioned, ChiChi.

 **ChiChi:** So you’re just fuck buddies?

 **Bulma:** I suppose.

 **ChiChi:** You aren’t exclusive, then?

 **Bulma:** What? Of course we are! I mean, we haven’t talked about it but….

 **Bulma:** Okay. I have just decided it. He will be my boyfriend before the end of the week.

 **Bulma:** If he isn’t already.

**(06:31 PM. Thursday.)**

**Unknown Number:** Hello, we haven’t met yet, my name is Bulma and I wanted to say thank you!

 **Raditz:** What? Bulma who?

 **Unknown Number:** Bulma Briefs. I’m a friend of your brother.

 **Raditz:** Oh, shit. I have seen you in magazines. You’re beautiful and hot.

 **Bulma Briefs:** I know, but I have a boyfriend. Vegeta.

 **Raditz:** What? Vegeta? The same Vegeta I know?

 **Bulma Briefs:** The one and only.

 **Raditz:** How did you get him to date you?

 **Bulma Briefs:** Well, I’m Bulma fucking Briefs.

 **Raditz:** Okay, and why were you saying thanks to me?

 **Bulma Briefs:** It’s a long story for another time, but still, thank you.

 **Raditz:** You’re welcome, I guess.

**(07:31 PM. Thursday.)**

**Raditz:** Man, your girlfriend is crazy.

 **Vegeta:** That she is.

 **Raditz:** I never thought I would ever see you settling down with an actual girlfriend.

 **Vegeta:** She’s not my girlfriend, we are just… messing around, I guess.

 **Raditz:** Ah, but you knew who I meant when I said “your girlfriend”. She is SO your girlfriend.

 **Vegeta:** She isn’t!

 **Raditz:** Does that mean she’s single? Because she’s hot, man.

 **Vegeta:** Don’t even think about it. Don’t approach her. Don’t talk to her.

 **Raditz:** Don’t worry, man. I don’t mess with the girlfriends of my friends.

**(04:17 PM. Friday.)**

**My Woman:** Don’t forget we have a dinner reservation in downtown tonight, Bad Man.

 **Vegeta:** I haven’t forgotten, I don’t have amnesia.

 **Vegeta:** Why do you keep changing your name in my phone to “My Woman”?

 **My Woman:** Just a cute reminder of the time where you had me listed as “Woman”. This is much more accurate, don’t you think?

 **Vegeta:** I hope I don’t appear as “My Man” in your phone.

 **My Woman:** Nah, but that’s actually a good idea. My Man or My Bad Man? Which one do you like better?

 **Vegeta:** I do have a name, you know?

 **My Woman:** Okay, Bad Man 😉 My Vegeta is it, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!


End file.
